Two Worlds Collide In Fire (Literally)
by captaincoulson18
Summary: Warning: This fic is absolute crack and parody, so please do not take it seriously at all (I wrote it at like 2 in the morning)...The TOS and TNG crew team up to catch Spock's evil twin brother...well, sorta...


Kirk: "Mr. Spock! The Enterprise is on fire!"

Spock: "That is highly illogical, Captain. At last check, the enterprise was performing at normal parameters…How could that be possible?"

Kirk: "You should know, Spock, you set the fire yourself! "

Spock: "Nonsense. I would never do such a thing."

Kirk: "This video entitled 'Spock sets the Enterprise on fire' Scotty posted on the ship's instagram with the caption 'Vulcans go wild' seems to suggest the opposite!"

Spock: "You are mistaken sir, that is not me, but my evil twin brother, Smock."

Kirk: "WHAT?"

Spock: "When we were children, my father thought him a bit too…human, a bit too reckless. So he sent him to live on Betazed to get in touch with his inner savage and maybe learn to control it."

Kirk: "But the Betazoids are a peaceful race!"

Spock: "Not all of them, sir, look at this picture."

_Spock holds up a picture of Lwaxana Troi throwing her child into a lake._

_Horror._

Kirk: _"_Oh my G-d! She's awful!"

_Suddenly Deanna Troi and co. appears._

Troi: "Hey! That's my mother you're talking about!"

Data: "Counselor Troi, I think you are mistaken. That is your mother he _was_ talking about, not _is._ Tenses are very important, Deanna."

Troi: "Oh, shut up!"

Data: "Shut what? Up where?"

Geordi: "She means close your mouth, Data."

Data: "Oh, very well then." _Closes his mouth._

Kirk: "Hey, who are you people? And how did you get on my ship?!"

Picard: "Oh, forgive us for not introducing ourselves. When you all are old and incapacitated, we run another ship called the Enterprise. We are from the future."

Spock: "That seems logical, Captain."

Kirk: "Logical?! That's not logical, that's bonkers!"

Data: "Bonkers?"

Geordi: "It means crazy, Data."

Data: "Ahh, I see. Crazy is the opposite of logical, so contrasting them would be, well, most logical…"

Kirk: "Oh shut up!"

_Data squints, seemingly in confusion, then opens his eyes wide in realization, and quickly closes his mouth._

Spock: "I do not think he should shut up, Captain, he seems most logical to me."

_Bones sobs, trembling, in a corner._

Bones: _Whispering _"I. Hate. Space." _Sees Dr. Crusher._

Bones: "You! You're a doctor! You must agree with me! This whole thing is nuts!"

Data: "Nuts? I don't see how cashews relate to this situation…"

Bones: Shut up!

_Data closes his mouth._

Dr. Crusher: "Actually, I quite enjoy my time on the ship, I even get to spend time with my son…"

_The sound of an explosion is heard._

_Scotty and Wes are heard offscreen._

Wesley: _"_Sweet!"

Scotty: "Bloody awesome!"

Dr. Crusher: "WESLEY CRUSHER, I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS SO HARD…."

Data: "Dr. Crusher, kicking Wesley in the buttocks is a quite inefficient form of punishment…."

Dr. Crusher: "SHUT UP OR I'LL KICK YOUR ASS TOO!"

_Data closes his mouth._

Bones: _"_Now that's my type of girl!"

Uhura _to Yar_: "Oh dear, sometimes I don't know how we sane girls do it…."

Yar: "Yeah, neither do I…In fact, I really don't. I'm going to die soon."

Uhura: "Oh, that's….nice….Um, how about we just go get some drinks then?"

Worf: "Commander Sulu, I would appreciate it if you would stop stroking my hair…It is, um, quite uncomfortable."

Sulu: "Oh, but I've never seen a Klingon like you before….Oh myyyyy…."

_George Takei appears._

Takei: "Hey! That's my line!"

Nurse Chapel: "Captain Kirk! Spock's evil brother ate all the Vulcan soup I had been preparing for him!"

Kirk: "Damnit! This place is a zoo, we have a fugitive on board, and the Enterprise is still on fire!"

Data: "I see no animals on board, how is this remotely close to a zoo?"

Everyone: "Shut up!"

_Suddenly, the ship is engulfed in Tribbles. We hear Chekov's voice offscreen._

Chekov: "I can fix zat! I can fix zat!"

Geordi: "Look everyone, there's Commander Riker, and he has Smock's lifeless body in his arms!"

Picard: "How did you manage that, Number One?"

Riker: "While you were all arguing, I decided to hunt down the fiend myself! One devilishly handsome wink from the Enterprise's number one Casanova later he was distracted enough for me to stun him into submission!"

Kirk: "Nice work, now who wants to buy a Tribble?"

_Everyone raises their hands. _

Spock: "But what about the fire?"

_Everyone looks at each other in silence. Kirk shrugs._

Kirk: "Eh, I guess we'll just have to make this one a two parter. See you all next season!"

Picard: "Make it so!"

_The enterprise bursts into flames, killing everyone._

_The end._


End file.
